[D-7] Back to College

Thought of being in a different environment, however, things does not seem to be going in that direction...

Is it because I am not making any efforts?

Anyways, I am still going to try it out! Maybe with some help from professionals~
However, in the meantime, I will have to go back to my UC to continue on with my studies while applying for other courses at other places as I would not want to take such a huge risk :(

Results out in 2 days time T.T
Hopefully there will not be any surprising incident :'(

P/s (note to self):
If you cannot have things your way, make yourself flexible, accept your surroundings and adapt! Nothing is impossible!!!

So, where shall I begin?

Well, I've finally had enough of rest after my 3D3N Diploma Graduation trip to Redang Island :)

To spend time along with my fellow group mates is really something memorable that I will not forget as they are indeed a group of fun and enjoyable friends that I can never wish for more as they are the best!

Experiencing snorkelling with them for the first time of my life is indeed 최고! Even though I was afraid of swimming (or literally just floating) in sea, but the view beneath is just breathtaking. It is disappointing that I didn't manage to take photos as evidence of the beauty underwater...

Back to the trip...
Although most of us will be parting after this trip, I believe that time will bring us back together soon enough. And by then, don't forget me and all the memories we've had together, regardless whether they are bittersweet~

BTW, I don't know if this is considered a good news or a bad news, but, I'm staying... Hahahahaha~ no, no, no... It's not a joke... After much pondering and multiple posts about what and how I'll decide, I've finally came to a conclusion that I'll after all, be staying back and pursuing my Degree at TARUC...

-END-

Last page... :'(

Today, as the clock strikes 12pm, it marks the end of the final paper of my Diploma course in TARUC...

Throughout the whole 3 hours of the paper, I felt nothing but anxiety to complete the paper, to rush out and shout out that I have finally completed two long and dreadful years of Diploma~ 

(hopefully I don't fail any of the 3 subjects >.<)

However, when I saw my classmates exiting the examination venue earlier than the actually duration given, I suddenly feel a mixture of emotions between happiness and also sadness as we are mostly just walking out of each other's life, and if we are lucky, we might meet in the future, but it really be the same as before?

Unlike other groups and classes, my classmates or compatriots will just leave and proceed home despite it being the last meeting... In previous occasions, there was never, not even once, that we manage to have an meal or party as a whole, all 29 of us... It is really saddening...

But, but, but, this is definitely not a time to rant about it as we decide how we should live our life. As for me, I would not promise you that I will still say simple greetings like, 'Hi!', even if we meet in future. However, please understand that I am not being a snob, instead it is just my way of being shy(?) or in other words, I am not that expressive as I seem... (A tendency to over-think of what people might say if I suddenly act friendly and etc....)

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Here, I would like to take this opportunity to actually thank all my classmates/group-mates of DBU10 (2012-2014) for all their help and support throughout my Diploma studies in TARUC...

All the memories, ups and downs and experiences are very valuable to me as it helps me grow to be an even better person...

To those who I seldom talk to, I deeply regret for not communicating more with you all, but if there is any chance of any gathering in future, do not forget to invite me too, okay? :D

P/s: For all the mistakes that I had committed, my deepest apologies for doing so. Please understand that I might have my room for errors too as 'to err is human'.

Lastly, a shoutout to my compatriots, 

加油⛽️！GOOD LUCK! 화이팅! Bonne Chance! Gambateh!

All the best wishes in life, hopeful to meet you all again in the future :)

-끝- Once and for all~

How can I convince myself to believe in you when you keep making such huge reactions just because of a simple matter?

Regardless of how much I tell myself to just believe in what you have been believing all these while, it all seems to be useless with just a small reaction of yours...

Do you realise something? That no matter how much you say that you do not care about the current topic, you always react otherwise? At first I did not realise that. However, after some signals from others to make me a little observant instead of being ignorant, I realise that just because of a simple short question, you will react as of the world is collapsing >.<

I would not use the word 'trust' in anything I say to others as I realise how burdensome that word is. But just why can't you believe in your friends? Just because 1 person is like that, it does not mean everyone is like that.

It has been like 2 years (maybe slightly lesser), do you not realise what's going on and happening? You claim to have a better intuition than me, you should have sense things faster than me.

I may seem like a coward to be typing this out instead of saying, but let me tell you that, if I were to tell this upfront, things would not turn out nice, instead it will be much further from the truth just like where we are now...

I heard from every party, things are getting confusing as hell! Can't you just bear with the slightest info given to you? If I were to tell you everything I know, you will keep an even further distance than it is now... But the funny thing is that, it has nothing to do with me... Instead, I am the 'victim'.

As much as I like to just tell everything out directly, I think that I am rational enough to actually filter out what should be said and what shouldn't...

Please, just mean what you say...

As much as I want to believe in what the others have been telling me, there is always a part in me that is telling me to just believe in you because you are who you are. No one has the right to make you be the person you are...

We are not 100% close buddies, but aren't us 50% buddies?
Well at least that is what I believe...
(That we are about 75% friends)

I would not ask for us to be Best Friends Forever (BFFs), but can't we be Best Friends till the end of our studies at least?

P/s: This post is not to ask for sympathy or whatsoever, it's clearly to express my frustrations... :):

Honestly, I hope you are having a wonderful day~

A new mindset~♥

College life has never been easy for me, as I am a person who is 100% dependent towards my family members.

However, I have learnt that nothing comes easy in college as this is a new chapter in life that is filled with difficult obstacles where family only comes in as moral supporter and other than that, you are all on your own...

There are times where miscommunications may occur and unpleasant words may be uttered without actually intending to offend the other party, but one thing for sure, WE ARE DEFINITELY ON OUR OWN...

Trust is an extremely big word that has many meanings... Since it carries a huge burden with it, the 'Do you trust me?' question should not be simply asked...

Being someone who is naïve (and stupid), I had been through many exceptionally tough times where the last resort is just to solve it with tears silently at home... But that is definitely not a recommendable solution as it only makes me weaker...

I have always been a persistent person in figuring out what I did wrong and to actually solve a problem through instant conversations. However, I have neglected the consideration of others' as of whether that is their way of solving the problem...

As of today, I've finally learnt my lesson, where, you don't need to always been a perfect best friend to everyone, all you need is to be a good listener, just speak out at necessary times and be optimistic in life...

Thanks to my friend who is like a long lost sister to me, to show me the right path when I'm being lost in the sea of messy thoughts... ♥

There are too many to hear but too little that will actually lead me to the ultimate outcome I desire for...
Maybe I should just leave it that way to stay out of unnecessary troubles ;)

Hear me out! -based on my POV

I'm glad to have told out what I really feel and to share my point of view (POV) of things.

Honestly, I do not really care if that changed your mindset of me or not, because I have already clarified everything from my POV and if you choose to believe in what you hear, go on, I cannot force you to believe anything you do not want to believe.... :)

The thing that I cannot tolerate at all, is for people to go around spreading unnecessary rumours of things I did not do...

I do not want to move on/graduate knowing that I am being accused of things I did not do..

We are at the age where we are wise enough to actually differentiate the right and wrong doings, however, there are undeniable cognitive barriers in between, but it takes a lot of concentration and thoughts to actually make a better decision...

Do what you think is the best after much considerations instead of just acting rash about some minor things...

You know what is wrong and right for you, no one can decide for you as of what is wrong or right. :)

How? 어떡해?

지금은, 나는뭐하는게야?

Being the eldest is really~ >.<

Sometimes, trust is what you need to give, and trust is what you get...
It's all about give and take~

Not everything I do is right, I admit, likewise, not everything I do is wrong... 믿어하세요~

I did not demand for a lot of thing, all I ever ask for is a little trust and comfort now and then, is it too much?

I know that I'm suppose to be the matured one who has to make huge/enormous decisions for a better future of mine, but can't I just be a small child to you?

I have never really intentionally rebel, it is just that I think that I am at the suitable age to start my own venture into the real world...
If you never experience it, you will never know it.

"The most memorable things are learnt through the toughest experiences"

All my doings are just ask for the slightest attention from you...
Even when I am right in front of you, you walk pass me as if I am invincible, what about later, when we are separated by the vast ocean?

:(