Goodbye 2014! Hello 2015!😄

Coming to the end of 2014~❤️

2014 had been filled with many ups and downs in life.

Regardless of what happened, I'd learnt to cherish all moments and to be a wiser person.('ㅅ')

Flashback

Graduating Diploma is such a wonderful experience especially because my parents are able to empty their schedules for me❤️

Hopefully I've made them proud...

Being 20 leaves a huge mark in my life as I'd just entered a new decade in life (^.^|||)

Despite just beginning my Degree life meeting many new people, my wonderful classmates threw me a party (after lecture). Thank you so much ❤️

Many study plans have been scheduled and cancelled but yet, I'm still able to continue my studies~:P

But, I had learnt a meaningful lesson on the importance of education as a leaping stone to a better future.✌️

Fastforward

I shall usher the New Year with my books as companions as my finals begins on the second day of New Year ㅠ.ㅠ

Resolution

P/s: Hopefully in 2015, I am able to be an even better person who is much friendlier and less emotional🙏 As 2015 will be another big year ;)

P/s/s: I will work hard to buy that bag on my own😝 (7670)

And so...

Hahahaha~ 

A few more days before my getaway from the hectic city life~

Hopefully it'll help me release some stress and enjoy myself before by back-to-back finals😖

Life has been well?

Got to work harder😅😓😰

Strive more~

Many tests~ 

P/s: my hair colour is finally visible to me~💜

Positivity~

Well, life doesn't always happen the way you want it to be, however, being positive will help to make thing lighter😄

I made a mistake by expressly showing my anger and dislikes through my facial expressions. I learnt that as a representative that is being appointed to hold a special duty towards others, my opinions will somehow (either directly or indirectly) affect what the others think.

Instead of taking things one-sided, I should have listen from both parties and then evaluate the situation.

I may not be good at my job, but I'm trying to make things better. 

Hopefully I will be able to spread positive energy to everyone involved before it's too late😊

P/s: I'm sorry for hurting your feelings by making you feel isolated when I can instead, consult you for your problems and try to understand them before trying to explain(?) to the others?

I'll try my best to be a better person😊

Hopefully you'll be too✌️

Unappreciated

Nothing better to describe my feelings other than the word unappreciated.

Don't understand why some people just can't be grateful and thankful for the things you do for them. 

It doesn't mean that you'll have to acknowledge it always, just once in a while, is sufficient. But yet, even the slightest, you are still unable to do so.

The suffocating feeling of being unappreciated is just too unbearable. It's not just a one time thing, instead, it can be considered as a routine(?)

Don't you know respect? 

If you don't respect others, how do you expect the others to respect you?

It's not compulsory for those younger to show the elders respect, but that's the basic manner, moral you had to learn ever since primary school.

You know how to rant, complain and do all sorts of things, but what about me? I'm just sharing and what do I get in return? An annoyed face to add on with an annoyed tone to tell me off?

Funny, not!

I believe what I'm sharing is for your own good, if you don't want to listen, you could have just tell me nicely. Even though it's not that good, but it's better than relaying your dissatisfaction with an irritated expression.

How much can I withstand?

Not the best day of my life😖

So many news that's not too good 😭

How can I take such news I. A relaxing matter?

She's been with me throughout my life~

Not only is she my faithful listener, her advices are the best...

She's the only one who is always so encouraging, always motivating me to do better😊

The doctor is being too straightforward for my liking...

I believe, not everything in life must be told honestly, a little twist and turn might make things seem or sound better, don't you think?

The fact that time is running out, makes me want to stay by her side more than ever, even if it means that I'll have to leave in the middle of a class or just to skip it.

I was told to be prepare for quite a while before, I tried to accept it, but by spending more time together, I got my hopes up on us being together forever.

The news from the doctor is as if he wants to take my life together😭

I don't think I can accept it anytime soon😞

It's not that easy for me to accept it openly. Even now, I'm just drowning my self with tears while living in denial😰

P/s: I know drinking won't help in any aspect, but hopefully it'll make me mentally exhausted to have sufficient rest before the war😑

Half way through~

Half way through my 2nd semester~ 

Looking much haggard than before😱

Anyways, can't wait for this semester to end, and to start a fresh along with the new year~🎉🎊🎉

More than one month left for 2014, but it seems like I didn't do much this year😭

But, I graduated~💜 Thankfully🙏

Life is gonna get tougher with more assignments and internship coming ahead~ 😅

Wondering if I should start talking up challenges that will allow me to increase my confidence in public like maybe joining a public speaking workshop?

Or should I just postpone it yet again?😰

Anyways, I believe it's been a while since I've taken a selfie 😳😅 

So I'm planning to be syok-sendiri💜

P/s: love the shadows of my owl cover😈

Confused?

Not the time for it~

As the course syllabus gets tougher, more complications occur😖

It's inevitable, but if we were to face it positively, nothing is impossible😅

At times like this, I would like to not diversify my focus as I believe my future is the most important thing for me and not other factors. 

To get there, I need a strong foundation of what I'm studying so, if you're not going to help me out, could you please stay away? 

This is the first time in my life where I've gotten a planner and actually make use of it fully... 😓

I consider this, a proud achievement for me as I've never been a person who is that organised enough to be prepared for the future...

It seems like being 20 made me realised plenty of things...

And for the fact that I'm not an outspoken person, it is actually a huge obstacle for me to climb greater heights😭 

But, I've decided to work on it, so afraid not, most probably when I'm 21, I'll be a much different person then I am in my 10s. -A promise to myself

Work hard, enjoy later~💜

Other things will come in, in the later part of life~😄

P/s: For the time being, I believe the best solution is to sort myself out first before committing in relationships, loans, investments and etc. ✌️

P/s/s: I can't believe my schedules are almost fully planned for next year~😭

Thank you❤️

I would like to take this opportunity to thank everyone who has voted or ❤️ my message to Kai on MCM webpage.

Despite me posting in my message 1 week before the closing dateline, I got around 310❤️s... Thank you😄

I know the chances for Kai to read my message is super-duper slim, but thank you all for your help and even if he didn't manage to read it, I still feel elated to be able to convey my cheers to him indirectly😊

There no doubt ups and downs in life, however, if we face all of it positively, nothing is impossible! Never give up in pursuing yours and I'll pursue mine✌️

In cas you are curious of my message, here's the link:

http://exo.mcmworldwide.com/_MB/EN/message_view.asp?EE_SEQ=55677

Life is getting tough by the days~

2nd semester is indeed tougher than the first~

Should I proceed on with my wish to do a double and risk my scholarship, or just I just stay with the single degree and finish it nicely?

The time of the year for decisions yet again 😑

Both offers sound attractive, but what if they aren't as good as they seemed to be? 

Worth the risk?

😱

And I wonder...

Things are getting so stuffy and suffocating~

For the fact that I'm still 100% dependent on my parents doesn't make things any better😞

I never knew that it'll make me feel so awful and annoyed to an extend where you'll just feel like breaking, but now that I've experienced it, I wonder, why am I not courages enough to breakthrough?

My thoughts might not be matured, but I'm just planning to invest on a new gadget to maybe smoothen my studies progress? But it is deemed immatured and a waste of money...

Having tight financial is really suffocating.. Sometimes I really envy those who enjoy the privilege to go on family trips often. I miss having enjoyable family outings without worrying of overspending.

Is this what they meant by "the poor being poorer and the rich being richer?"

However, to put it another way, when I start working, will I be deemed to be financially independent? 

If only there's a perfect way to ensure a proportionate balance between studying and working, I believe the worries will further lessen, right?

Stressed😭

What's happening?

Why is it that a simple thing said by you affects me greatly? Who are you?

It really makes me wonder most of the time, however, I'm often unable to solve this "problem".

Throughout the years, I thought that by keeping you out of sight, you'll be out of mind, but when you reappear, everything went back to zero😓

What could be the factor that is still kept in me that resist me from moving on? Could it be the longingness of having a close friend or just maybe another sibling? Or maybe I'm just dwelling in the past due to some regretful action and words said?

It just doesn't make sense on how it is easy to move on. Yes, I've told people to move on it for a better future, but now that I'm in such situation, why can't I do what I say to others? No wonder action speaks louder than words😅

Nope, I'm not being resentful, I'm just being like a hermit crab, hiding from the future and dwelling in the past memories.

Hopefully I'll be able to escape my shell for another new and bigger shell, so that I'm able to create new memories filled with happiness🙏

P/s: I'm not writing for sympathy, to express my resentment or whatsoever. Instead, I'm just expressing myself as I'm unable to just speak it out loud (shy). I'm trying to prevent myself from depression due to my inability to move forward. And, yes, I'll keep myself busy with hope that it'll help me to think more about the future✌️🐶

Maybe I should try to self-hypnotise😝

마지막~

Am glad to have lifted a huge burden in life off~😄

Sometimes, it's true that dwelling in the past wouldn't help anything but stop you from moving forward.

Once you learn to let it all out, everything will eventually be fine. 

We can't just keep ourselves in the past as the future is our destination, if we don't try to anticipate the future, our life will be dull😩

No matter what the status is now, I am glad to have befriended with you for 9 years, even though there were bitter moment, there were also sweet moment that are worth cherishing ✌️

Thanks for being there for me for 9 years, but I guess now, it's also time for me to let go of the past, and move on with my life to meet more new friends and enjoy myself as well😊😋

All the best in life to you~ 

May your dreams come true🙏

Smiles to a new start~😋😊😄

Week 2~

The second week of my Year 2 Degree course has just flew by, it's only a few blinks away before I'll be stressed up by assignments and tests :(

Life in UC has been great besides getting to make and mingle with new friends... The subjects seem to be bearable~

Hopefully I've made a right choice to stay and further my studies here along with my friends★

Entering my 20s' soon T.T
In about slightly less than 2 months, I'll be beginning a new phase(?) in life where I have to actually be more matured and wiser? XP

Whatever it is, age is just a number :P

P/s: I just love the 'feel/vibe' this picture radiates... ♥♥♥
Maybe this is what the tutor was saying yesterday about being having a higher self-esteem or is it self-confidence?

[D-7] Back to College

Thought of being in a different environment, however, things does not seem to be going in that direction...

Is it because I am not making any efforts?

Anyways, I am still going to try it out! Maybe with some help from professionals~
However, in the meantime, I will have to go back to my UC to continue on with my studies while applying for other courses at other places as I would not want to take such a huge risk :(

Results out in 2 days time T.T
Hopefully there will not be any surprising incident :'(

P/s (note to self):
If you cannot have things your way, make yourself flexible, accept your surroundings and adapt! Nothing is impossible!!!

So, where shall I begin?

Well, I've finally had enough of rest after my 3D3N Diploma Graduation trip to Redang Island :)

To spend time along with my fellow group mates is really something memorable that I will not forget as they are indeed a group of fun and enjoyable friends that I can never wish for more as they are the best!

Experiencing snorkelling with them for the first time of my life is indeed 최고! Even though I was afraid of swimming (or literally just floating) in sea, but the view beneath is just breathtaking. It is disappointing that I didn't manage to take photos as evidence of the beauty underwater...

Back to the trip...
Although most of us will be parting after this trip, I believe that time will bring us back together soon enough. And by then, don't forget me and all the memories we've had together, regardless whether they are bittersweet~

BTW, I don't know if this is considered a good news or a bad news, but, I'm staying... Hahahahaha~ no, no, no... It's not a joke... After much pondering and multiple posts about what and how I'll decide, I've finally came to a conclusion that I'll after all, be staying back and pursuing my Degree at TARUC...

-END-

Last page... :'(

Today, as the clock strikes 12pm, it marks the end of the final paper of my Diploma course in TARUC...

Throughout the whole 3 hours of the paper, I felt nothing but anxiety to complete the paper, to rush out and shout out that I have finally completed two long and dreadful years of Diploma~ 

(hopefully I don't fail any of the 3 subjects >.<)

However, when I saw my classmates exiting the examination venue earlier than the actually duration given, I suddenly feel a mixture of emotions between happiness and also sadness as we are mostly just walking out of each other's life, and if we are lucky, we might meet in the future, but it really be the same as before?

Unlike other groups and classes, my classmates or compatriots will just leave and proceed home despite it being the last meeting... In previous occasions, there was never, not even once, that we manage to have an meal or party as a whole, all 29 of us... It is really saddening...

But, but, but, this is definitely not a time to rant about it as we decide how we should live our life. As for me, I would not promise you that I will still say simple greetings like, 'Hi!', even if we meet in future. However, please understand that I am not being a snob, instead it is just my way of being shy(?) or in other words, I am not that expressive as I seem... (A tendency to over-think of what people might say if I suddenly act friendly and etc....)

***********************END*************************

***********************START*************************

Here, I would like to take this opportunity to actually thank all my classmates/group-mates of DBU10 (2012-2014) for all their help and support throughout my Diploma studies in TARUC...

All the memories, ups and downs and experiences are very valuable to me as it helps me grow to be an even better person...

To those who I seldom talk to, I deeply regret for not communicating more with you all, but if there is any chance of any gathering in future, do not forget to invite me too, okay? :D

P/s: For all the mistakes that I had committed, my deepest apologies for doing so. Please understand that I might have my room for errors too as 'to err is human'.

Lastly, a shoutout to my compatriots, 

加油⛽️！GOOD LUCK! 화이팅! Bonne Chance! Gambateh!

All the best wishes in life, hopeful to meet you all again in the future :)

-끝- Once and for all~

How can I convince myself to believe in you when you keep making such huge reactions just because of a simple matter?

Regardless of how much I tell myself to just believe in what you have been believing all these while, it all seems to be useless with just a small reaction of yours...

Do you realise something? That no matter how much you say that you do not care about the current topic, you always react otherwise? At first I did not realise that. However, after some signals from others to make me a little observant instead of being ignorant, I realise that just because of a simple short question, you will react as of the world is collapsing >.<

I would not use the word 'trust' in anything I say to others as I realise how burdensome that word is. But just why can't you believe in your friends? Just because 1 person is like that, it does not mean everyone is like that.

It has been like 2 years (maybe slightly lesser), do you not realise what's going on and happening? You claim to have a better intuition than me, you should have sense things faster than me.

I may seem like a coward to be typing this out instead of saying, but let me tell you that, if I were to tell this upfront, things would not turn out nice, instead it will be much further from the truth just like where we are now...

I heard from every party, things are getting confusing as hell! Can't you just bear with the slightest info given to you? If I were to tell you everything I know, you will keep an even further distance than it is now... But the funny thing is that, it has nothing to do with me... Instead, I am the 'victim'.

As much as I like to just tell everything out directly, I think that I am rational enough to actually filter out what should be said and what shouldn't...

Please, just mean what you say...

As much as I want to believe in what the others have been telling me, there is always a part in me that is telling me to just believe in you because you are who you are. No one has the right to make you be the person you are...

We are not 100% close buddies, but aren't us 50% buddies?
Well at least that is what I believe...
(That we are about 75% friends)

I would not ask for us to be Best Friends Forever (BFFs), but can't we be Best Friends till the end of our studies at least?

P/s: This post is not to ask for sympathy or whatsoever, it's clearly to express my frustrations... :):

Honestly, I hope you are having a wonderful day~

A new mindset~♥

College life has never been easy for me, as I am a person who is 100% dependent towards my family members.

However, I have learnt that nothing comes easy in college as this is a new chapter in life that is filled with difficult obstacles where family only comes in as moral supporter and other than that, you are all on your own...

There are times where miscommunications may occur and unpleasant words may be uttered without actually intending to offend the other party, but one thing for sure, WE ARE DEFINITELY ON OUR OWN...

Trust is an extremely big word that has many meanings... Since it carries a huge burden with it, the 'Do you trust me?' question should not be simply asked...

Being someone who is naïve (and stupid), I had been through many exceptionally tough times where the last resort is just to solve it with tears silently at home... But that is definitely not a recommendable solution as it only makes me weaker...

I have always been a persistent person in figuring out what I did wrong and to actually solve a problem through instant conversations. However, I have neglected the consideration of others' as of whether that is their way of solving the problem...

As of today, I've finally learnt my lesson, where, you don't need to always been a perfect best friend to everyone, all you need is to be a good listener, just speak out at necessary times and be optimistic in life...

Thanks to my friend who is like a long lost sister to me, to show me the right path when I'm being lost in the sea of messy thoughts... ♥

There are too many to hear but too little that will actually lead me to the ultimate outcome I desire for...
Maybe I should just leave it that way to stay out of unnecessary troubles ;)

Hear me out! -based on my POV

I'm glad to have told out what I really feel and to share my point of view (POV) of things.

Honestly, I do not really care if that changed your mindset of me or not, because I have already clarified everything from my POV and if you choose to believe in what you hear, go on, I cannot force you to believe anything you do not want to believe.... :)

The thing that I cannot tolerate at all, is for people to go around spreading unnecessary rumours of things I did not do...

I do not want to move on/graduate knowing that I am being accused of things I did not do..

We are at the age where we are wise enough to actually differentiate the right and wrong doings, however, there are undeniable cognitive barriers in between, but it takes a lot of concentration and thoughts to actually make a better decision...

Do what you think is the best after much considerations instead of just acting rash about some minor things...

You know what is wrong and right for you, no one can decide for you as of what is wrong or right. :)

How? 어떡해?

지금은, 나는뭐하는게야?

Being the eldest is really~ >.<

Sometimes, trust is what you need to give, and trust is what you get...
It's all about give and take~

Not everything I do is right, I admit, likewise, not everything I do is wrong... 믿어하세요~

I did not demand for a lot of thing, all I ever ask for is a little trust and comfort now and then, is it too much?

I know that I'm suppose to be the matured one who has to make huge/enormous decisions for a better future of mine, but can't I just be a small child to you?

I have never really intentionally rebel, it is just that I think that I am at the suitable age to start my own venture into the real world...
If you never experience it, you will never know it.

"The most memorable things are learnt through the toughest experiences"

All my doings are just ask for the slightest attention from you...
Even when I am right in front of you, you walk pass me as if I am invincible, what about later, when we are separated by the vast ocean?

:(

As time passes by…

‥ I am actually steps closer to my dream of studying abroad... Hopefully there is not any sudden changes in plan *fingers crossed*

Studying abroad means a lot to me as it is one of the ways for me to be a much independent person...
Besides that, I will also have to learn to 'suck it up', both, positively and negatively as my avid listeners, my grandparents, will be hundreds or thousands of kilometers away from me T.T

No doubts that I will miss my family much, but, with the thoughts of making them proud, by hope, it will be my motivator to strive for greater success~

I am still unsure whether or not as to, if I am returning back to Malaysia, but time will tell~

[With every day passing by, I am no where but nearing to my dream] ♥

By the way, just if you are interested, I am going to be an official driver and no longer a driver on probation~ xP

And, meet my buddy/companion/compatriot, 허니허니~♥ (in the picture, my candy colour doll) :D

Living life…

… just the way I want it to be~

Hehehehehe~
I've always preferred to be a cutie instead of an arrogant person, who is difficult to approach :(

I wonder what must be done to change people's perspective/impression of me T.T
It's pretty depressing...

Anyways, I've enjoying my life now as I'm having my semester break♥♥♥

Anddddddd, have you saw JYP's new boy group, GOT7♥
They are freaking awesomeeee♥♥♥

Also, the intro of Girl's Day's new song, Something, is soooooooo addictive ♥♥♥

Don't you look into my eyes and lie again, I'm sick of being alone~

Enjoying Malaysia while I'm still here ¦P

Not forgetting that the Chinese Lunar New Year is around the corner, have to get my festive mood on to welcome the HORSE~ ★★★

Angpaus~ a child's favourite :D

New Year, New Start~

Hikes~

Any changes noticed?
Anyways, it's 2014!!!
You know what that means?
20.20.20.20.20.20.20.20.20.20

I'm turning 20 this year~
Time flies~ >w<

What better than to usher the New Year with #IceWine~ :D

Resolutions:
- Wiser
- Meaner (?)
- Friendlier (Introvert >>> Extrovert)
- Matured
- Work harder

And to begin,
Copper-Red hair, although it's not so visible >.<

Change, change, change!!!
:D